How I Knew I’d Found My Person (As told by 6 of my best friends)

I’m not sure how or when it all happened, but most of my friends are either engaged or talking about getting engaged. Now, as a person who has been extremely single for months on months on months, I understand if you rolled your eyes at this title and didn’t read any further. But if you are single and have read this far, I’m assuming you’re just as curious as I am about people and their love stories. I love to read about love stories, talk about love stories and write about love stories. I love love, and I have ever since I was able to understand the concept. The concept being: two people meet as strangers and then somehow down the road, arrive at the decision that they want to do life together for the rest of their lives. Amazing. I have always been curious about how people know they’ve found “the one”, and in an attempt to get rid of the age old response of you just know, I decided to ask my friends for better answers.

Let me introduce my friends and their relationships:

(I’m changing names to protect my galpals)

Sarah + John: Sarah and John have been dating for about three years, and recently got engaged. They met in college and have seemed pretty smitten from the very beginning. When asked how she knew she wanted to marry John, Sarah said, “I was with him and his family and I saw how he was around kids and that honestly seemed the deal. We can talk for hours and have so much fun together all the time and we never fight. We may have disagreements but we are able to talk through them without really arguing.”

 

Rebecca + Oliver: Rebecca and Oliver started dating during their senior year of high school, and both went to the same college. Their relationship made it through four years of undergrad and is still going strong. They have been together for 5+ years. When I asked Rebecca how she knew Oliver was her person, she said, “I’d say that I knew he was someone I could see myself marrying because we have the same sense of humor. He always makes me laugh. It was further confirmed when we met each other’s families and I could see him fitting in with mine and see myself fitting in with his family a lot. Through the years we’ve set similar goals and expectations of how we want to live our lives and it seems to match up pretty well.”

 

Luke + Sophie: Luke and Sophie met in college, and first connected on a dating app. They have been together for about a year and a half. Their relationship has withstood months of long distance, and even a language barrier. They recently moved in together. When I asked Sophie how she knew he was the one, she said, “When he saw strength and life in me when I was weak and powerless. When he gave me hope and a future in a time when I thought I would not have either of those. When he stayed through the worst of me, while still loving me like I was the best of myself.” 

Jennifer + Brandon: Jennifer and Brandon started dating in High School, and ended up going to the same college. They spent 4 years of undergrad together, and recently got engaged. Overall, they have been together for 4+ years. Jennifer was very adamant about her answer that she “just knew” but I finally got her to expand on that and here’s what she said, “It’s a difficult question to answer and it’s not just one thing. It’s a compilation of our journey, our story. Us in general. I knew early on that we would end up together but how that would happen was unknown. I love him for so many different reasons and there wasn’t just one day when I knew. It’s a feeling. Something you can’t describe. You just know.”

 

Rachel + Joseph: Rachel and Joseph went on one date and then didn’t speak again until they ran into each other at a bar, two years later. The rest is history. Rachel says, “Everything with him is just different. Way better. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to love anyone else.”

 

Sam + Kate: Sam and Kate met through mutual friends and their almost two year relationship has been long distance. Kate says, “The cliché but honest answer is that I just knew. My relationship with him was different than any relationship I have had before. Whenever I dated someone in the past I would always have my eye out for something that could be better and when we started getting serious I didn’t want to keep looking because I realized there wasn’t anyone better for me than him. He also checked all the boxes: easy to talk to, attractive, funny, outgoing, etc. God also gave me some signs that have led me to believe that it is His will that we are supposed to get married. I think that last part is what makes doing long distance bearable.”

 

So there you have it. Six people who have chosen their person, and their explanation of what made them do it. A couple recurring things I notice in my friends’ answers: one being the realization that the relationship they have with this person feels different than any previous relationship in a very significant way, and another being compatibility between families. As someone who loves words and details and wants to explain and talk about everything, it can be hard for me to accept an answer like “When you know, you just know”. But maybe it really is that simple. Maybe thats the point. What do you think? Do you really just know? Are some concrete factors non-negotiable when it comes to marriage? I’d love to hear your opinions and stories!

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Hi I’m Kayla! I’m a 20 something who has recently graduated and is currently “adulting” (or pretending to know what I’m doing) from the city of Birmingham, AL. When I’m not working you can find me at brunch, on a yoga mat, avoiding small talk or in front of a craft beer.

6 thoughts on “How I Knew I’d Found My Person (As told by 6 of my best friends)

  1. well, i hope they live happily ever after! and personally, i think, one might just can tell, if they are ready to get married, for they would feel so lovely around that person! like it’s a different feeling altogether! like your friends stated, it’s something, one cant really express in words! it’s a medley of moments one experiences, which in the end builds up the confidence in each other, ultimately leading to marriage! a bond which is so beautiful! like waking up next the person, you love is so beautiful! or like doing laundry w her! watching tv w her! making her breakfast! and so much! it’s a beautiful, ever after!

    what about you?

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  2. I think I found my person but I also lost him as well. Since the end of our relationship not one relationship has brought me the same peacefully feeling. I thought maybe it was just me and i am not giving the new person a shot but no it hasn’t been the same. yes i think that you know when you have found that person but what happens when your person is looking for another person that isn’t you? Shugs I keep faith alive that one day ill have that same feeling. one day. Great post I really enjoyed reading it!

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    1. I once thought I had lost my person too, but I have come to believe that you can’t really lose what is yours, or what God has for you. I know the feeling of wondering if you will ever be comfortable in relationship again, or be able to trust again. My great grandmother used to tell my grandmother, mother and me: “If another girl can have him, you don’t want him.” And I think that is a really liberating way to look at it. If you ask me, I don’t think you and I have found our person yet, and how beautiful is the thought that we will love that person even more than we thought we loved another! Thank you for reading! Xx

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  3. Hey Kayla! Thanks for sharing these stories. This topic interests me as well (Probably because I’ve been “single” for a super long time), and I have lots of conversations about dating and marriage with peers and older couples as well. I have lots of thoughts, a couple I will share in the form of musings in reflection on the stories you’ve shared here. I wonder what the place of friendship plays in knowing who is “the one.” I also noticed that most of the couples you talked about met in college or had a significant portion of their relationship at that stage of life. I tend to think historically about “the one” also, so this particularly interests me do the popularity of college for us versus our parent’s or grandparent’s generation.

    I think there have to be solid “signposts” so to speak, or non-negotiables when deciding who to spend your life with. There is always a mysterious aspect, but it has to be more than “you just know.” Wisdom must be exercised in the decision. Community is also vital. Thoughts?

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    1. Hi Cameron! Thanks for commenting, I love what you’ve said! I think friendship is a really huge part of the equation, but I think people often forget this. I think over time it becomes assumed or ‘understood’ that you are friends with your significant other, among many other things, and so the aspects of friendship can get neglected. These aspects are some of the most basic and fundamental of any relationship: respect, trust, sympathy, honesty, enjoyment of each others company and freedom to be yourself. I like to think that when the relationship is right, friendship remains one of the easiest and strongest aspects of the relationship. As far as the timing of the relationships I’ve mentioned here, I also wonder about the factor it plays. It seems that most people I know met their significant other in college. I couldn’t agree more that there needs to be knowledge and wisdom behind the decision, and that could start another conversation about whether or not you should have more than a couple dating experiences before getting married. I think the bottom line is that it is a very personal and individual decision that two people make, and the “you just know” feeling is a part of that too. Mystery and Wisdom.

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