Faith

In 2018 God said “No” to my career dreams, and I’m thankful

Somehow, here we are again, preparing our recipes for Thanksgiving dinner and ogling at Christmas lights being strung around trees and everything else (too early, bah humbug). This time of the year always has me wondering where the weeks went, where they’re heading and what I’ve learned. I’ve been a college graduate for about 11 months now, and my eventful first year of “adulting” is coming to an end soon. I moved into my first apartment, landed a (couple) job(s), and adopted a dog. I also met someone awesome and turned in my single-gal card after a long streak of guys who were emotionally unavailable and, you guessed it, not good for me. It’s been 11 months packed full of lessons and looking myself in the mirror and seeing Gods hands all over everything. I could take this in several directions, but I want to focus on the role God has played in my career since I’ve graduated.

I started interviewing for jobs in December 2017, a few weeks before graduation. The last three years of my college career I had decided that I would pursue a career in my lifelong passion: writing. Having landed an internship with a magazine a few summers before, continued developing my portfolio by freelancing for them, and having worked for the Alabama Press Association for a year and served as their journalism intern, I felt like I had good connections and a pretty OK resume. I interviewed for an entry level editorial position with a magazine (a dream first job for me) and was devastated when I got the email saying they would not be moving forward with my application.

This was God telling me no, I couldn’t have what I wanted. I didn’t like it.

I applied for countless other media positions without any feedback. The process was draining and disheartening. I changed my resume a thousand times, new formats, new descriptions, less descriptions… I began questioning everything: Should I have changed majors? Should I have done more in college? Did I ruin the interview? Should I go back to school? Somewhere in the middle of my frantic applying and worrying – I realized I hadn’t been praying or talking to God about anything I was doing. I started to pray for guidance, and peace of mind for whatever came my way.

Somewhere along the way, I applied for a position through a recruiting agency. A few days later, I got a call from a recruiter saying that I had an interview for a marketing assistant position with an insurance company. I was thrilled. The day after Christmas, my recruiter called to tell me they were offering me the position and they wanted me to start on January 4^th. I felt like my prayers had been answered – this was my big opportunity.

The next 5 months were unfulfilling and trying. I found myself undertrained, underwhelmed, and unhappy with the work I was doing. My position was essentially a support role for two graphic designers and our workload was sparse – as needed. I wasn’t skilled in graphic design, so I could only assist with the very basic tasks, which included text input, creating some graphs in PowerPoint, spell checking, number checking, etc. I was starved creatively and productively. I felt trapped, because I wanted to do something else but I didn’t have a better option yet. In August, the decision was made for me. I received a call from my recruiter telling me that my assignment was ending the first week of June. There I was, beginning the job hunt all over again.

Right away, I began to pray: “God, please guide me, whatever path you lead me down, just place me somewhere where I can use my skills to make a difference.” I prayed this simple little prayer over and over again, until my heart opened up. I had to prepare for God to lead me. I had to accept wherever He placed me.

I interviewed for a staff writer position with a local newspaper. I felt really good about the interview, he seemed to like me, and he asked to read my samples and we talked about our mutual connections from the Alabama Press Association. I had become very familiar with newspapers during my time working there, and I was excited about the possibility of writing again. It seemed promising, but still, I kept my mind and heart open to all possibilities.

In an effort to explore all opportunities possible, I applied with another recruiting agency. Soon after, I was contacted by a different agency who found my resume and wanted to interview me for a Recruiter’s Assistant position. I was interested, but focused on other options.

I continued to pray. I had a new sense of calmness this time, and I was able to think more rationally and clearly. This time was different because I had decided to let God place me somewhere, instead of holding on so tightly to my dream of working in media. After working at the insurance company, I realized I would be happy in any position where I could reach people, and do something good. I would apply to as many opportunities as possible, open up my heart and mind, and let God decide where I should be.

After two weeks of waiting, I found out I didn’t get the newspaper job. I kept moving forward.

I went on about 3 different interviews from the second agency I applied with, and I didn’t feel like any of those were my “fit”. My recruiter called me after my third interview and asked how it went. “It went well,” I said, “but this wouldn’t be my first choice. I’m waiting to hear back from a few opportunities.” She asked what they were. “Oh! You’re interested in recruiting??,” she asked, after I told her about the assistant recruiter role. “Do you want to meet with me about recruiting for us?! We’re hiring.”

I met with her the next morning, and she offered me an Executive Recruiter position. I took it – and started the next week.

Since then, I have had the privilege of getting to know the other 8 women that recruit there, and they have welcomed me in graciously. I have grown professionally, as I am continuously building relationships with top-level Executives all over Alabama. I have met so many different kinds of people, and I have had the privilege of helping them in their career journeys. I would have never guessed I would get into recruiting, but God knew the impact this company and career would have on my life: professionally, socially, and personally. I am so glad He knows and sees far more than I ever could. This job has fulfilled me and made me a better person.

It is always hard when you work for something and dream for something and then you don’t get it. I spent almost my entire college career dreaming about working for a magazine. I wanted to move to Chicago, live in a tiny, dirty apartment in the city and write. I wanted to write to reach people, to entertain, to inspire, but more than that, I wanted to write because I love it. Writing has always been a me thing. And it makes perfect sense that God would tell me no and place me in a career where my job is to serve other people. I’ve been able to get people in front of employers who wouldn’t have looked twice at their resume, because I can say more than a piece of paper can about a person. I’ve served as a beacon of hope for people when they’ve gotten laid off after 15 years of loyalty and hard work and don’t know where to turn. I’ve served as a new perspective to employers who turn away candidates for one reason or another and then end up hiring that person. I’ve bridged gaps in communication when misunderstanding and human error gets in the way of opportunity. I’ve learned so much, and I’m excited to learn more. How incredibly humbling, that God said no to my dream, and placed me in a position to help other people find theirs.

I still love writing, obviously. I started my blog in hopes that it will serve as a platform that makes admitting “me too” comfortable and freeing. I would like to write more. I would like to reach people through my words and I will always need a creative outlet. But for now, I am thankful that God said no and planted me where He needed me, and where He knew I would grow.

Whether I stay in recruiting forever or find a career in media or elsewhere, I’ll leave that up to God. He seems to know better than I do, anyway.

God Gave You The Sunrise This Morning, Now Paint The Rest: Thoughts On Finding Your Purpose

I was talking with a friend recently who told me he has known he wanted to be a coach since he was a kid. He graduated college and quickly jumped into a career coaching youth soccer, and he has impacted so many lives over the last several years. He felt that coaching was what he was called to do, and he chased after that at full speed.

He shared with me that he was given the opportunity to change career paths to something outside of coaching that would give him a more stable schedule and lifestyle, and he was debating whether or not he should take it. He seemed excited about the idea of a new challenge, and a more stable schedule was clearly something that he desired. Even so, I could tell that he was hesitating to make the decision. He was afraid of making a mistake that would take him off of the path he was “supposed” to be on in his life. He was afraid of taking a wrong turn that wouldn’t lead him home.

I think people believe that they have more power over their life than they actually do. We can get so caught up in worry and stress about finding our life’s purpose or ruining our life’s purpose or not finding our life’s purpose – when maybe, our purpose isn’t anything we do but it’s in who we are. My friend has a passion for coaching, a passion for helping, and a heart of pure gold, and those are things that will carry over into anything that he does. Those are things that will show up in his purpose. No decision he makes is going to change that.

We all wonder if we are where we’re supposed to be. In life, in our careers, in our relationships. We all want to feel like God has painted a canvas with our names on it and that it looks like the life we’re living. We’re afraid that we’ll pick up the paintbrush and ruin the picture.

But I like to think that God paints the background and then hands us the brush. I like to think He’d say, Here, I gave you the sunrise this morning and a place to be – now it’s your turn. Use what I’ve given you.

I believe that God wants us to fulfill the desires of our hearts. I believe that when there is a stirring within your heart to change, or to act, that’s God supporting you with a fist bump and a raised sign that reads YOU GOT THIS. I don’t think it matters so much what we do as long as we are using our God-given gifts to do it.

If we give all the power to a position, or a job title, to be our ultimate life’s purpose, then we are not taking ownership for what we have to offer. I think your life’s purpose lies within you, like a secret weapon you can use practically anywhere you go. It’s the intangible things about you that make you who you are. It’s in the way you choose to show up, and how you love people. At funerals, nobody sits around talking about how great of a businessman or nurse people were – they may say that – but what that really means is that they loved people well. They found a way to do their job in the best way, while honoring people and showing up.

If you are unhappy with any part of your life, please, please change it. Cut off that negative person, quit your job, move. When I realized that I can’t screw up or find my purpose in things here because it was already given to me by the One who created me, not my job title, situation or the city I live in, my life began to make a lot more sense. Maybe we just need to know who we are, and show up tomorrow. Have courage, and don’t be afraid to pick up the paintbrush.

-Kayla

How I Found Self-Love In Stretchy Pants and Vinyasa (Whatever The Heck That Is?!)

I used to think that yoga was something that only really cool, hipster girls did surrounded by plants. I imagined that this kind of girl was totally chill in every sense of the word, and she probably had a long single braid down her back. She drank her coffee, black, at the same time every morning with her record player going in the background. She definitely meditated, even though at the time I only half believed that meditation was something that someone could actually do. Needless to say, I just did not believe that I was “one of those kinds of people”. Yoga wasn’t something I thought I would get anything out of. It wasn’t my “lifestyle”.

14 months ago I went through a break up that flipped my entire world upside down. Blindsided and 110% more emotional than I even knew I was capable of being, I went through some of the loneliest and most confusing days of my entire life. Eventually I was tired of being sad and in an attempt to move forward, I just started doing things. I bought a guitar. I started hanging out with new people. I took my little cousins skating. I fostered a dog. I prayed. I prayed a lot. And one day, I found myself at a yoga studio with a new friend.

It was an hour long class, and it was an easier session with a focus on meditation and stilling the mind. I remember feeling silly and embarrassed as I looked around at everyone else and changed my pose 15 seconds late because I didn’t know what a “vinyasa” was. My body protested against every movement, and I rediscovered my extreme lack of balance that night. Toward the end of the session, we laid on our backs and the instructor talked us through a meditation. Still the mind. Whatever you brought with you tonight, whatever you’ve been carrying, release it now. I let out a deep breath. In that moment I felt like I could loosen my grip on what I had been carrying. Deep Inhale; Deep Exhale. In the stillness of my mind, I felt God show up there. In the quiet between my scattered thoughts, it was as if he said to me, “Here I am, where you always leave me. Come back sometime.”

I started going every week after that. I would go to the studio, to my friend Sarah’s apartment and then to sessions at the local breweries. Yoga wasn’t, and still isn’t, easy for me. I wasn’t flexible, I couldn’t do any crazy poses, and I didn’t know all the yoga words. In those first few months I was existing in a haze of numbness and dull heartbreak. I would show up with my mat and my cheap yoga pants and a deep need to focus on something else. When I got on the mat, when I had to fight against my body and pay attention to my breathing and still my mind – I was doing something that I hadn’t done in so long – I was finally focusing on me. Every single part of me. I was finally giving myself the attention that I deserved from myself. You see, yoga isn’t some hard or complicated exercise – it is simply your body, your breath, and your mind. It is you. Everyone can show up with their body and a pair of stretchy pants and a willingness to learn. A willingness to get to know yourself. That’s all you need.

I think people think that they have to be a certain amount of flexible or athletic or “mindful” to practice yoga. I know I thought that. But I would argue that the more “inexperienced” you are at yoga, the more you will get out of it. Because you will learn the most about your body during that time, and you’ll be forced to face the thoughts your mind generates in idle moments. I am still learning so much from my time on the mat. I am learning to be patient with myself. I am learning when to push and when to be gentle. I can now fully appreciate my body, and better control my mind. I use my time on the mat to talk to God, and to receive His love for me in moments of meditation. I can now proudly say that yoga is not just for hippie girls with plants, yoga is for anyone who wants to know and love themselves better. Thank you for letting me share my heart with you.

…Namaste; Xx,

I gave up Social Media for Lent: A 20 Something’s Testimony

A part of the Christian faith is the practice of Lent, a season of giving up something that you really like for 40 days – starting on Ash Wednesday and ending on Easter Sunday. This is supposed to replicate Jesus’ time spent in the desert where he sacrificed and resisted temptations for 40 days. This year, I gave up social media for lent. As a 23 year old with a degree in Communication (and a blog), I’m sure it isn’t surprising that I like social media. In its many platforms, social media can encourage joy, knowledge, connection, and inspiration. It can also serve as a vehicle for comparison, distraction, and self-consciousness. This is why so many people find themselves saying “I need a social media cleanse” and “I had to unplug for the weekend”, because it is so easy to get caught up in all of the stuff. I have known and thought about this for a long time, and yet I have never given up social media (1. because I like it so much and (2. because I always considered myself someone who could manage my social media use. But what I hadn’t realized was how social media was influencing the way I interacted with the people around me, and ultimately, distracting my heart. I began to notice the way good conversation would get interrupted during dinner with friends because someone needed to SnapChat their tacos and margarita. I noticed that any idle moment became browsing time, even if that meant taco in hand. In the presence of my friends, some of my favorite people, I could feel the distraction. The most shocking thing for me to realize was that the only reason I noticed this at all was because I didn’t have the app to do so myself. I began wondering, how often do I neglect the hearts of the people I love most in this world for the sake of a SnapChat? How much have I been sacrificing to scroll through Instagram?

When I deleted my social media apps, I didn’t know what to expect from this season of Lent. I prayed that it would help me grow, and that God would reveal something to me during this time. I think that God often speaks to us in a subtle way that kind of resembles that feeling you got as a kid when you went to sneak another cookie after your mom told you not to. Or when you feel a stirring inside to make a big change in your life that maybe seems unfeasible or illogical – in both instances, God is trying to guide you. This is the way I have felt God speaking to me, helping me understand things about myself during this time.

My friend Kate and I were discussing social media over craft beer and sriracha-lime boiled peanuts recently. She also gave up the apps for Lent, so we were comparing our thoughts and struggles. She said she realized social media was a distraction to her heart when she caught herself going back to check the number of likes she had gotten on her last post. Admittedly, I have done the same thing. When did we become so obsessed with being liked? And what does this say about the condition of our hearts?

I believe that relationships are one of God’s greatest gifts to us. Social media provides fun and easy ways to interact with the people in your life and even strengthen relationships, which are God-pleasing things. But social media becomes a problem when we allow it to influence the way we feel about ourselves. Have you ever posted a photo and felt bad about yourself when you realized it didn’t get many likes? Have you ever scrolled through someone’s feed and thought, wow this person’s life seems so much more fun or successful or full than mine? Yeah, I have too.

The problem with this is that it takes away joy, and it distracts us from our blessings and our purpose. It also paints a picture in our head that we aren’t good enough. Why is it that we can show up on Easter Sunday, and eat a meal with our families and swell up with gratefulness and love but then forget what it all means on Tuesday? God created me in His image, and he loves me so much that he sent his only son to suffer the pain that I deserved so that I can experience eternal salvation. It amazes me how moved we are by this truth in our Sunday best, and how quickly we forget it when we leave the church. God loves us immeasurably more than any kind of gratification we could get from 200 likes or a large instagram following. We say we understand this truth but then why do we allow other people, circumstances and comparison to take it away from us and make us feel unworthy or less than? It is easy to blame our fast paced, media-driven culture, but I think if we dig a little deeper we would see that maybe it’s something else. Maybe we have a heart problem.

God doesn’t want us to have the best looking Instagram feed, or to go on more fun vacations or to have cuter clothes – he wants us right where we are, present, and grateful so that He can use us for His glory. Maybe social media isn’t the problem at all. Maybe the problem is more personal, maybe the problem lies within me. On Easter Sunday, I will re-download SnapChat, Facebook and Instagram. But the way that I use the apps and the way that I allow myself to think will be forever changed.

-K